Asking quality questions changes the answers

When I give my mind something better to do, it does something better

“Why is it hard to be a person?” I ask Google.

Then, I facetiously read the answer aloud to my partner, Frank, and text a screenshot of it to one of my brothers. Frank and I laugh and my brother texts back “that’s an amazing answer.” It gives me joy to chuckle about something that can sometimes feel quite serious.

“Being a person is difficult because it requires managing intense emotions, navigating social pressures, and constantly adapting to change while dealing with vulnerability and self-criticism.”

While I am delighted by the poking fun, the question itself likely originates from a sincere place as I’ve been feeling a little frustrated lately.

I know some people struggle to find the work that is “theirs” to do. I’m grateful that I know what work is mine to do, but my struggle is with the details. Oh do I struggle! I get overwhelmed by the number of options and bogged down by tasks. How to do them. When to do them.

“Is this the right order of events?” I wonder.

“Why is this taking so long?” I impatiently ask myself (but resist Googling ;-)).

I also suspect I may avoid steps that require more bravery than others. Yet I know it’s often the brave steps that are key in accomplishing a goal. It’s hard for me to know if I am “allowing things to unfold naturally” or “avoiding the difficult” since I’m really good at making excuses (more on that another time).

In general, however, when I come across a hard step, I tell myself, “if you get into a really good mood, you’ll be able do it!” This is why I brew what I like to call “caffeine confidence” (so it can push me along).

A cup of medium roast (aka caffeine confidence) from Stone Creek Coffee.

Coffee, however, only lasts so long. A deeper (longer lasting) way I push through fear and resistance is by asking myself higher quality questions. For example…

What would it take for me to take my next step with ease and grace? (I got this one from my friend Helen Paulus - thanks Helen!)

What would it take for me to meet awesome people to collaborate with?

What would it feel like to know (deep in my bones!) the best next step? (And then once I take it, the one after that, and the one after that?)

What if I actually already know the next step? (Oh wait, I think I do!)

These kinds of questions have a much better feeling to them than questions like…

What if I never finish?

What if I don’t know what I’m doing?

What if I’m doomed to fail?

What if those people (over there) hate me and are giving me the evil eye?

Of course, fearful questions will arise, but when I pivot to asking higher quality questions, it changes two things. It gives my mind something to work on (the mind needs something to do!) and it gives my mind a more positive frame to work within.

The other day, I became aware of a deadline. Not one I made, but one the outside world gave me. I felt mad because I wasn’t ready for it, but I noticed it got me moving, imperfectly, toward a goal.

I made my coffee. I asked..

What would it take for this deadline to feel like a gift?

What would make it possible for me to enjoy meeting this deadline?

How can I make the most of the uncertainty I feel?

It’s my choice. It’s not my default, but when I remember, I try.

Am I going to ask

What if this piece of writing makes no sense?

or

What would it take for me to communicate clearly and connect deeply with someone today either through writing or another way?

The first question is valid and one I should definitely consider. And/but the second one opens me to possibility and lets me look all sorts of places for answers.

What are the high quality questions you can ask yourself this week?

Love, Anne

I’m so excited to play these shows with Dan Bern in Milwaukee and Chicago around my June birthday! I can’t wait to hear Dan’s smart, hilarious, truest of true, songs of our time! Get your tickets in advance at the links below:

Tickets to FITZGERALDS show 6/18 are available here

Tickets to SHANK HALL show 6/19 are available here

A here’s a sneak peak ahead with many more dates in the works!